Paranoia can manifest in some of the most healthiest of relationships. Usually this is because one (or both) partners have suffered bad experiences in past relationships. As a result of these experiences, they have built up a wall – protecting themselves against getting hurt again.
This practice of carrying past experiences into your new relationship, however, can be harmful to not only the relationship, but to you personally as well. Although it may take time to tear down the walls you’ve built up, and get rid of the paranoia entirely, overtime you can overcome it. Check out these great tips on how to help you on your path to a new, less fearful you who is able to have a healthy committed relationship.
Remember: Innocent, Until Proven Guilty
Whenever you begin to feel paranoid that your partner is cheating on you, or lying, or has fallen out of love with you, just remember the simple rule: innocent, until proven guilty. After careful thought, with a clear mind, if you have decided there is no justifiable reason for your to be suspicious, simply calm yourself. If there is truly reason to be suspicious (such as a spouse who is always late, or else comes home smelling like women’s perfume), then confront your partner about it.
Talk With Your Partner – But Don’t Accuse
Talking things out with your partner is vital to a healthy relationship. Be sure you aren’t accusing them, however, and simply voicing your fears in the relationship. For example, telling your partner “I think you are cheating on me,” or asking “Why don’t you love me anymore?” would be considered accusing them. This will only cause them to become immediately defensive, even if they aren’t guilty of anything. Instead, try explain your emotions and explain how you’re past experiences are causing you issues, but that you are working hard on them.
Here are a few examples of good ways to voice things to your partner, to help you get the ball rolling:
- “I would like to talk to you for a minute, because I feel like it would be beneficial to our relationship if you knew… (your issues, your feelings, etc.)”
- “I’m not accusing you of anything wrong, but…”
- “I am really trying hard to not think this way, and I’m sorry, but I’d feel better if I told you I feel…”
Mantras are a fantastic way to really make yourself believe something. There are two forms of mantras which could really help you to overcome paranoia in a relationship. The first form has to do with boosting your own self esteem, because all too often we become paranoid because we aren’t 100% confident in our own selves. A good example is:
“I am strong, confident, and worthy of love. There is no need to be paranoid, because I am confident in my own self worth.”
The second form of mantra are those keyed directly towards the paranoia you feel in the relationship. A good example of one is:
“My partner is not cheating on me, and they do still love me. I know this because I am a strong, confident person, full of things to contribute to this relationship. I am worthy of their love, and they are worthy of mine.”
Say these mantras to yourself in the mirror, both in the morning and before you go to bed at night. By repeating these simple yet powerful phrases, you will be convincing yourself of what you should already know.
Practice Trust, & It Will Become Second Nature
The human mind is a wonderfully adaptable thing. By not acting on your paranoia, you will slowly be training your mind to naturally not become paranoid. If this paranoia causes angry outburst (which is very common), then by not acting on that anger, you can also train your mind to be calmer. This isn’t only beneficial to your relationship, but your personal mental health as well.
Your Current Spouse is NOT your Previous Spouse
It can be very hard to let the past go – and we are all only human. But try very hard to remember that your current spouse is NOT your previous spouse. They are not the ones who have done you wrong, and holding them responsible for what another has done to you does much more harm than good. It can, in fact, cost you something that could be your perfect someone, because you will be too blind to see.
The final tip has to do with reducing your own stress levels. Stress is one of the primary fuels for paranoia. Make use of a relaxation technique to help sooth your mind, calm your nerves, and reduce your paranoia. You could try:
- Aromatherapy (lavender is particularly calming)
- Yoga, or gentle stretching
- Journaling your feelings
- Taking a long, hot shower
- Use deep breathing techniques
One of the listed techniques, or a combination of them, will definitely help you to lower your stress levels, allowing your mind and relationship to remain paranoia free.
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