It is common practice to use seemingly synonymous and interchangeable words to describe something or a particular situation. A clingy relationship is usually an outcome of one person being excessively depended on the other, purely from the emotional perspective. It doesn’t have much to do with any other aspect of the relationship, be it finance or sex, love or work. Many people equate being clingy with being needy. The two aren’t identical scenarios.
Being needy is not always emotional. Also, need is at times adulterated. A person may come across as the needy one in a relationship but it may not be so. Such ambiguity doesn’t exist in a clingy relationship. A person who is clingy is definitely obsessed with the partner or date, one would want to always stay in touch or proximity, on the phone or around, and the relationship will gradually start to get cramped due to the excessive indulgence resulting from the persistent demands.
Acknowledge that you’re Clingy
The remedy for any problem has to start at the acknowledgment of the issue. The moment you realize you are clingy or accept the fact is the first step towards remedying it. Denying or choosing to live in denial will not only be misleading for you but it shall spell doom for the relationship. It is possible that a person may not realize if they are clingy in the strictest sense of the term and they may not be too clingy to recognize the symptoms. It is best to talk it out with your date or partner and your friends. Those who observe the ways you behave and how you are always in the relationship will have a better understanding of whether or not you are clingy. It is quite possible that a person is not clingy and yet the partner thinks so. The ball rolls both ways.
Find the Root Cause
There will be several symptoms of clinginess. A clingy partner would be overbearing. He or she would want to stay around, be on the phone and would want to chat whenever he or she is free. A clingy partner would be obsessive, possessive and also suspicious. The emotional overdependence will make the person feel vulnerable and insecure. He or she would do things that are not expected in a healthy relationship and can be deemed unbecoming. There are tons of other symptoms that would vary from one scenario to another. Arguments, possible verbal abuses and even violent repercussions are quite common.
Despite there being so many issues that need to be addressed, one must find out the root cause of this clinginess. It is not always the same cause for everyone. Some people are emotionally weak and some are strong, some are naturally more secure and some are not, some people are by nature suspicious and possessive while some may be egged on to be so, some people are anxious and stressed out always while some may be in a temporary phase of psychological upheaval. From strong dislikes for the choices or actions of a partner to self loathing, there can be many reasons at the crux of clinginess.
It is quintessential to find this root cause. Else, one may take many remedial actions and might seek recourse in self assessment followed with corrective steps but that would not address the primary cause. Financial insecurity, discontentment in career or profession, emotionally daunting upbringing, present social and familial circumstance along with several other psychological factors can cause, influence or facilitate and worsen clinginess.
Remedies for Clinginess
There are dozens of effective steps you can take to stop being clingy in a relationship. Let us explore the practical and doable steps in this comprehensive guide.
Develop or Regain Self Esteem
Most people who are clingy in a relationship are unhappy with their own selves. They don’t like who they are or what they do, they are not particularly fond of their lifestyle and the immediate world they inhabit, they are likely to be low on confidence and do not hold oneself in very high esteem. This confidence or self esteem needs a boost. Such emotions or psychological experiences are common for people who feel left behind, ignored, not cared for and effectively denied their happy place in the world. While there can be external factors causing or influencing such experiences, the solution has to come from within.
The only way one can develop or regain self esteem is through accomplishments and that would come when you hone yourself. Let us consider a few transformations that can have an amazing impact on self esteem and will also help you to stop being clingy in a relationship. A promotion at work, a special accomplishment in your neighborhood, grooming yourself to become a better version, learning a new language or a musical instrument, essentially learning anything new that would be rewarding, practicing what you like or following up on your hobby, exploring everything that interests you and only you, excluding your partner. There are actions you can plan that you would derive pleasure from. It is necessary that you continue honing yourself till you stop being clingy and continue the process thereafter, forever if you can.
Don’t rely on others to be happy. That is a fundamental mistake most people commit and don’t even realize. No one is responsible for your joy but you. Do what makes you feel happy about yourself. Work out, go for a jog, read a book, cook, play some music, listen to some music, watch movies, participate in social and cultural programs, volunteer, take care of the elderly, lend out a hand to those in need regardless of the nature of the help, travel and explore new places, revisit old family and friends, spend time with people you can trust and indulge in activities that you have loved always but could not dedicate any time to.
Space, Trust & Anxiety
These are the three crucial elements you need to put a lid on. A clingy person would often deny the minimum space than his or her partner needs. There are trust issues and all of it combined leads to anxiety. A stressed person can never be the best partner. Unless you can do away with the stress and anxiety, you would not be able to let go of this clingy version of you. Let your partner be. Give him or her the space they need. Trust him or her. You cannot prevent your fears from manifesting into reality. Why lose sleep over something you cannot have complete control?
The moment you learn to let go and take it easy, when you are self reliant and make sure you are not taken for granted, when you have something of your own to look forward to and derive pleasure from it, then you would start to have a positive outlook about yourself and that shall help you to get rid of the clinginess. Being clingy is not a choice, no one wants to be or remain so and not everyone will overcome their clinginess. But if you endorse and truly practice the remedies shared in this guide, you would be able to bid adieu to your clinginess forever.